My Decision

Alright for those of you wondering what I’ve been up to and what I’m going to be doing, this is it. When I sent out my question a month ago I realized that I’d get lots of responses. I just didn’t really think that 90+ responses and ideas were going to accompany most of them. But I’m glad I got the responses, as this has been a learning experience for me. So what did I learn? I know nothing, and am probably a bigger idiot than I thought. The last few weeks have been interesting and transforming at the same time, so if this gets really long, well it is just another long-winded, no holds rant. So here goes.

With a few changes in definitions this is the order I have my list.
1. Religion/Spirituality
2. Be who you are
3. Social Networks
4. Intellectual Activities
5. Financial Stability
6. Enjoy Your Job
7. Physical Abilities
8. Family Networks

Now I’ll explain why and what each thing is:

Religion/Spirituality - I know this seems cliché, but this is important to me. I think more as an aspect of Spirituality than adherence to an organized religion. I’ve began trying to fit my beliefs into its own mold, rather than trying to pick and choose my frustrations with Mormonism. Don’t get me wrong, I think much happiness and truth can be found in “the church” but I’m not going to limit myself to such a narrow minded view towards other religious ideologies.

Be who you are - Though this wasn’t on the list originally, I realized that being true to our true selves was more important than I ever realized. The words, descriptions, and actions we use to describe and enhance our own self image need to be in line with our spiritual views. Just because someone has an alcohol addiction doesn’t make them first and foremost an alcoholic. Before I take on any negative or limiting self images, I’ll describe my self as a grandson, son, brother, and probably most important, friend to anyone I meet. This is who I am, now I need to act like I really am, not the perceptions I use to bolster my own ego.

Social Networks - This was redefined as I learned from many of you. This includes my own friends along with parents, siblings, grandparents, and my extended family. Because my relationship with them is more of friendship than my being dependent on their physical/financial support; I realized that they are more friends. I also found the importance of finding friends with whom I feel comfortable. Although I don’t have anything against drinking, I am not a fan of going to the bar and stinking when I get home. Though I still want to go on occasion, this isn’t going to be my main form of social interaction.

Intellectual Activities - This was mainly meant as increasing one’s education, whether it be in a formal setting like college, or reading a good book. Because of the many interests and questions I have I always find myself wanting to read. This desire to broaden my horizons helped shape and define my goals for the next 5 years.

Financial Stability - Not rich, but it sure it nice to order pizza on a lazy evening. Though this is starting to near the bottom of the list, it is still important to me. I don’t need a six figure salary, but I don’t want be starving either.

Enjoy Your Job - Recently I’ve realized that attitude is the biggest factor in whether or not you enjoy something. I think that I can enjoy any job if I have the above factors in their proper balance. What I’m finding is that if I put Financial Stability too high, my attitude becomes negative, and an unharmonious balance seems to take hold.

Physical Stature - We all know that I’m skinny, and I know you don’t want to see my without a shirt on! Though I think it is important that I make sure I am able to do those things I want so that I don’t find myself resenting those who can go do things I can’t because I’m not physically able to. My current diet is an example of trying to purify myself, more on that later.

Family Networks - Yes this is last, but this is my reason, I found that the type of family referred to by the church includes your spouse and children, then other family next. Because I’ve moved my parents, grandparents, and siblings to social networks, I can confront the fact that I don’t want to get married. This preference to not get married can change, but as for now, getting married and having children are not high on my priority list. Thus the idea of creating my own Family Network is considerably lower than all the others.

With that explanation of each area and its definition, this is what I’ve decided for myself and my goals in the next five years. I would like to spend more time exploring other religions and philosophies to create a medley of beliefs that I can hold to. This can be done both in Indiana and Utah, but my free time in Indiana is leading to too much internet chatting, lol. I believe that in an area I have a strong social network I’ll be able to better divide my time between friends and spiritual exploration. At current I am lacking a social network in Indiana that causes me to waste time reading blogs and spending entirely too much time online. I was not meant to be an internet buddy, but one in person, thus I wouldn’t be true to who I really am. I also want to continue my education, though that is possible in Indiana, certain areas of interest are not available as readily in this area. I could continue on how great Indiana is when it comes to financial stability, enjoying my job, and time to work out, but those things are secondary to my bigger concerns. With that being said, I’m going to be applying to graduate school in January and will be returning to UVSC to get some sociology classes this spring. In anticipation of grad school next fall.

Some of the resources that I used to come to this conclusion involved the book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, The Life You Were Born to Live, and many discussions in person, over the phone, and via email. I realized that something you are good at, without much effort, isn’t necessarily what you are meant to do. My passion is involved with serving other people to fix social ills. I want to spread the word on how to find happiness and where it can be found, as many avenues to true happiness do exist. I want to explore the past and make sure humanity doesn’t commit the same mistakes again. So much can be learned from the 20th century and our current social dilemmas, if we just take the time to explore. The following mathematical equation I believe is quite profound: Happiness=Satisfaction/Desires. My desires have changed from having a six figure income and being revered for the perceived difficulty of my job, to exploring humanity to bring peace, understanding, and respect for others. I know this seems like an altruistic ideology, but my purpose in life is to use my creative energies to develop understanding and acceptance, not bolster my own ego. Though I don’t think money is bad, in the reflection of the last few months I realized that I had misplaced my trust in the perceived happiness of a large income, and the fruits have been bitter.

Now I’m going to finish, in my attempts to become more in-tune with my true self rather than my bolstered ego I have began a vegetarian diet, more time in meditation and reflection, and more time spent writing down my questions, ideologies, and hopes for the future. Though these changes aren’t permanent, I am trying to purge myself of my most carnal desires, (satisfying my hunger/stomach being #1), to become more in-line with my hopes and aspirations. Though I have reservations about leaving the job I have here in Indiana, I find that no matter what I choose to do I will be successful. Success is not the key, trying to regain some humility is. I’m not the same person who left Utah in November of last year, but after recent reflection, I’m not sure I’m proud of who I have become. With that being said, the place is here, the time is now, I’m going to concentrate on the here and now rather than what I can do in twenty years if I retire early.

The Duality of Man

Do you even recognize where that phrase comes from? If the answer is no, it comes from the movie Full Metal Jacket. If you haven’t seen that movie, don’t worry you haven’t missed that much. If you have, you’ll agree, they haven’t missed that much. First I will admit that I’m actually writing on a subject that I saw on TV. Well actually that is all I ever write about, it is something that I see, but I think there is a context that wasn’t explored by the writers, or Hollywood is too shallow to cover the deeper meanings. Thus, I am exploring some of my views when it comes the duality of man. So with enough background and me just getting to the point, my thoughts on the duality of man.

Okay that is just a fancy title, good don’t you think? I believe and am convinced there are two people who live in each of us, the first is the person who wants to help others, be a contributing citizen who would give you the shirt of his back, and is at every community activity doing the dishes. The other person that lives inside of us is concerned about how they look, what they are doing, what they have, and how they are being compensated for their time. Which person is deciding what to do with your time? I must admit that the second person has been more a focus lately, and though it isn’t bad, my constant focus on the material things in life has caused a bit of an imbalance in my life.

I probably should be begging John’s fogiveness at work more than I do, but it seems that my normally selfish behavior has had consequences towards those people I am around the most. Poor John has had to deal with my snide comments of late, though he seems to shrug it off quite well. But now in front of everyone I’m committing to do better. I’m not letting the prideful, self-centered, egotistical, arrogant part of me dominate my actions at work or anywhere else for that matter. What part of me is left if I’m no longer going to savor those characteristics you may ask. Well I’m actually asking myself the same question, because to be quite honest without being around my friends who are bold enough to point it out, I have left the rest of my personality either back in Oklahoma or Utah.

If anyone has suggestions as to what I can do to better kick this second personality out of my life on a more consistant basis, I would appreciate any and all the help you can give. These are a few things that I’m going to try, to start my fight with the self-centered aspect of my humanity. First I’m going to separate myself from the things that give me the most unrighteous pride, I am going to try and stop thinking I’m better than other people because I’m smarter, better looking (ok I just wanted to say that even though it is impossible) funnier or any other characteristics. I want to start using my intelligence to help others around me, rather than using my wit to tear them down. I’m going to stop competing with other people to be the fastest, strongest, or smartest, I will let others do well, and I won’t point out that I let them do better. (Okay that one is going to be really hard.) And I’m going to put for much effort to stop hating people for any reason. It seems that I want to be justified in my dislikes, but there is at least one quality in everyone that is admirable. Well except for……just kidding!

So as I strive to understand the duality in my own humanity and become a better person, I’ll attempt to realize that through internal changes and service I might be able to lift those around me, rather than tear them down. This is just a start, any suggestions as to how I might do better? The dark side of my humanity seems to be in control right now, but with time and patience and study, I believe that I can become better. And if I can do it with much effort and study, everyone else should be able to do it quick as a whistle.

The Results

If you are looking for the results to my survey that I sent via email, your still going to have to wait a bit. This much I can easily deduct from what I've learned.
1. I have really smart friends that are willing to state their opinions.
2. There really isn't a right answer, though I knew that before, the different life views just reemphasized that point.
3. Balance in life is much more complicated than saying #1 is more important than #2, because all aspects of our lives are intertwined.
4. Happiness=Satisfaction
Desires
Imagine that as satisfactions over desires. No way to underline it, stupid computer, lol.

Okay, I have actually learned many more things in the last few weeks, some from my survey, some from the books I have been learning, most of which I'd like to share in the future, but time is short tonight. On the bright side, I am finished with classroom work at my job for the next six months, I actually start working on the floor tomorrow morning!!
Finally, I actually get to do what I was hired to do, with someone watching over my shoulder constantly, lol.